im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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