Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
