Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
