Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drake has all the answers
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
