so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
