woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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