I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
