now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize