We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize