I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
