I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
