Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
