Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
