WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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