guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
