he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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