just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
