Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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