why didn't you poke me back
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
