oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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