I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
