i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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