Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
