sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love having hate sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
