I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
