so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How external is "for external use only"?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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