I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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