he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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