for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize