it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize