Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
