Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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