just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
