I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina is very pro this idea
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
