Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
