his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
