the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
