While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
