how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
