I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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