real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
