i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
