this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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