That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
