at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
