I'm so fucking centered right now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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