And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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