i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
