I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
