Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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