Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
