It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
MIDGETS
????
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
