I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
