yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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