This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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