he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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