He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
