My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
