Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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