I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
