I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
