she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
