I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
