I just threw up on my dentist
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
