Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
