period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize