How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
