If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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