Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All the doctor said was why
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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