Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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