You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
