Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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