Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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